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Dr. Viktoria Ter-Nikoghosyan
These seven common myths about parenting teens and teen behavior hold our minds hostage and prevent all of us parents and teens from finding solutions. And yes, solutions to the challenges of parenting teens are possible. I’ll share more about that below.
Myth #1
Parenting teens can’t possibly be fun!
Debunking Myth #1
“Raising teens is so much fun!” said NO ONE ever. Parenting can be nerve-wracking and tiring. Parents sometimes feel like they can’t keep their heads above water. But parenting teens can be a lot of fun if you use some simple Behavioral Alignment Techniques combined with information from recent scientific discoveries that help us understand what happens with our kids and their behavior when they hit puberty, and why. Employing Behavioral Alignment Techniques enables us to handle even those teens who constantly have their noses in smartphones and who are overloaded with access to social media. You absolutely can learn how to manage your teen’s emotions and your own to make parenting your teen a fun adventure. Behavioral Alignment Techniques get results quickly and respectfully.
Myth #2
It’s only the hormones surging through a teen’s body that make them impulsive and emotional.
Debunking Myth #2
Teens don’t have higher hormone levels than adults do, but they do have higher hormone levels in their bodies than they did before they hit puberty. The impact of hormones on teenagers' moods is indirect, at best, according to Lisa Damour, PhD. She says, “In fact, studies find that hormones respond to, or may even be trumped by, other factors … like your daughter’s [teen’s] relationship with you.”
In other words, hormones don’t actually cause emotions, but they do set the stage for how we deal with situations that trigger our emotions. Teens are not only less experienced than adults in handling these emotions, but their brains are also in a different state of development. Although teens learn new information at a fantastically fast pace, their brains require more time to process situational information to imagine the consequences of their actions. This is especially true when emotions are involved.
Stress and time pressure make handling emotions even more difficult for teens. Teaching them how to recognize and manage their own emotions is important. Learning to recognize other people’s emotions is a basic skill that our school systems do not usually provide.
Myth #3
My teen is almost an adult, so I expect them to behave like one.
Debunking Myth #3
Although teens look and talk like adults (even being able to reproduce like adults), their actions are mostly governed by emotions. Their brains function differently, too. In a teen, the emotional brain develops faster than the prefrontal lobe that is responsible for rational thinking and reasoning.
The part of a teen’s brain that helps them imagine the consequences of their actions will not be fully functional until around age 25 or later. This means there is an imbalance between emotions and rational thinking. People say that teens are tall toddlers when everything is a learning process; our teens need to learn how to handle those mental, emotional, and physical changes that happen in their bodies when starting puberty.
Several techniques have been developed for teens to accelerate the process of learning how to imagine the consequences of their actions. Parents who use these simple and fast-working techniques help teens make safe and sound decisions.
Myth #4
“The terrible teens” is only a phase. We just need to survive it and then everything will be ok.
Debunking Myth #4
This is not necessarily the case. Yes, your teen does need to rebel to learn how to deal with people when they are older. But after the rebellion, not all teens will come back and reconnect with their parents. Studies show, especially now that people are living longer, that there are many lonely seniors whose children do not want to talk to them. Those parents and kids didn't get along during the teen years and their conflicts were never resolved. Solutions don't just happen magically. It is important to learn how to reconnect with teens now because it’s easier before they leave the nest. Besides, who would want to regret missing such an opportunity?
Myth #5
Your hands are tied! You cannot do anything about teen behavior because it is the way it is.
Debunking Myth #5
You can! Science has progressed to such a degree that there are Behavior Alignment Techniques that work fast and irresistibly, even with difficult teenagers. You can learn how to grab and keep a teen’s attention and convey guidance and instructions in a way that they listen and cooperate to stay safe and healthy. Not only will your family life become more enjoyable for everyone, but you are also giving them important communications and the life skills they will need throughout their lives.
Myth #6
I was acting the same way in my teens and I turned out ok, so my teen will survive as well.
Debunking Myth #6
This is not the case anymore. All of us are facing information overload from the internet and smartphones. Studies have shown how these distractions consume people’s time and attention in many workplaces, causing us to be less productive and more stressed.
Now, think about a teen’s brain. Their rational brain is doubly hijacked: first by the natural delay of its development, as I mentioned earlier, and secondly by this information overload.
Teens are much more vulnerable to this information overload because their brain does not have enough connections between its different parts for electrical impulses to pass fast enough to react as adults. Aligning your behavior and enhancing your parental toolkits with new skills will help you to help your teens successfully manage these difficult times.
Myth #7
I can deal with my teen troubles all by myself.
Debunking Myth #7
Yes, you can, but at what cost? Most parents are stressed and tired of dealing with their teens. Addiction to computer games or phones has the same physiological symptoms and behavior as gambling and other addictions. Do you know how to deal with them?
When having teen troubles, some parents are reluctant to seek help because they are embarrassed that they don’t know what to do. Many don’t reach out for help, thinking that their child's behavior is just a phase. Those who try to find help often fail because of the scarcity of the expert who developed tools to deal with the smartphone generation.
It took me two long years to figure out what to do with my teen because I couldn’t find the help we needed. Out of desperation, I did my own research and combined it with my professional skills in communication and emotions to come up with my Behavioral Alignment Techniques. Yes, you can deal with teen problems alone and find solutions as I did, but how much time do you want to waste? Do you have enough time before your teen leaves the nest? Or would you rather have simple solutions right now?
If you want more information on my Behavioral Alignment Techniques, you can start by downloading my free e-book Get Your Teen Out The Door On Time … All The Time free e-book where I share one easy and instantly working technique to leave your morning hassle behind with no nagging and no stress! You will start the day on a good note and the whole day will go well.